You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
