Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
false alarm, still single
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
