If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
