.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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