This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
