Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Terrible idea I love it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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