You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
