everyone is single if you try hard enough
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
