update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
