well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
