Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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