I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
