Yo dont text me then not text me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
