I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
