Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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