the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
