Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
