One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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