i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
