My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
