Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
