at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
