I could make wine with my vomit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
