I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Green mimosas i think yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
