just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
