It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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