he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
