That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had sex on a roof
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
