the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is my gift to your gina
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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