i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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