Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He is an equal opportunity slut.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
