Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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