oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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