Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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