I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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