so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
