White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
