Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
