life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
