He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
