I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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