all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
