can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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