You can't special order awesome
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
