He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
