I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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