also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
