oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
