I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
