laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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