That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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