My room smells like vodka and shame
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
