everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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