I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
In America we eat man semen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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