I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
did you just send me my own nude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
