My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
