the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
