she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
