Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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